Spiraling over a grade before even getting it.

Spiraling over a grade before even getting it.

Ivy Journey Reflections

SPIRALING OVER A GRADE BEFORE EVEN GETTING IT.
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We all know that suffocating feeling, don't we? Behind the meticulously color-coded notes and the veneer of effortless brilliance, lay a relentless internal struggle. Those late nights blurring into dawn, fueled by caffeine and an almost unyielding dedication, often culminated not in triumph, but in a quiet breakdown amidst the towering library stacks. The "crying in the stacks" wasn't a myth; it was a deeply personal, often solitary, release from an invisible, crushing weight.

This was the mental rollercoaster of studying at an institution like ours. It wasn't just about mastering the subject matter; it was about navigating an intricate psychological landscape. Every assignment, every exam, felt like a high-stakes performance, a constant validation of our right to be there. And then came the period of agonizing waiting after submission. The moment you knew a grade was imminent, but not yet posted. That’s when the true spiraling began.

We’d replay every answer, every chosen word, every potential flaw, constructing elaborate worst-case scenarios in our minds. A single perceived mistake could trigger a cascade of self-doubt, projecting an entire academic career, even a future, crumbling before our eyes. We convinced ourselves a B+ was a catastrophic failure, a personal indictment, long before the feedback even arrived. It was an exhausting, isolating cycle of self-inflicted torment, driven by an ingrained perfectionism and the immense pressure to exceed. We were perpetually chasing an elusive ideal, sometimes at the expense of our peace. If you’ve felt this intense internal struggle, know that you were never alone in that pursuit of academic validation. It was, and still is, a shared journey.

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